Work was unexpectedly fun and tiring at the same time. The whole job of arranging my own office space was great, but I need to shift and move over things – HEAVY things – and so I was very tired by the end of the day. Some days I just fell to the bed and went to sleep as soon as I closed my eyes.
Anyway, this week has been particularly a trying one. First was my first week on the job. Great and exciting and all, but very tiring. Second, today is the day my little sis left me. She went back to Jakarta and will continue her studies in UNSW Sydney. This one left me emotionally tired. Partly because we’re close and I miss her already. Partly because I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. I still wish she didn’t have to move out >.<
I didn’t realize this, but my sis is the one person who I think know me best. She understood and accepted me, and she is a great person to talk to. I guess being separated from her after we’ve grown quite close again these 4 months made it even harder to say good bye. We are always quite close even when I was studying for my bachelor degree in Singapore and she her senior high in Jakarta.
I’m feeling a bit melancholic because of this.
On the way back from the youth fellowship today, I realized just how closed I am in this couple of months. Maybe because I lost the people I can talk to. My roommate is pretty much busy, and most of my close friends are currently in their respective homes in Indonesia. I got practically nobody close to talk too. This has been going on for at least a month, and I realize that things should change or else I’ll be a hermit with a facade in front of the whole world, putting a smile to mask the crumbling building that is me.
The extent of my closedness is really staggering. I didn’t share my struggle to any of my close friends to the extent that most of them do not know what I am struggling currently. Most of them need to be updated for things that had happened for as long as a year ago. This kind of things make me long to find a true friend that is always there when I need someone.
Maybe it’s time to consider going to a relationship…
Yeah. Right. The guy will probably be abandond in a month or two. I’m too busy to consider a relationship with someone. And I do think that I’m still too selfish to be able to love. Maybe someday the time will come when I lay my heart for someone, but not in this near future. And probably not for quite some time in the future too. Until then, I’ll just learn how to be an unselfish person.
But now… I need some sleep -___-zzZZZ
